marla singer (part III)

"You had to give it to him: he had a plan. And
it started to make sense, in a Tyler sort of way.
No fear. No distractions. The ability to let that
which does not matter truly slide." -N- (FC)

I am Xihomara's decidophobia and teleophobia. Interesting how fate can manage to be so unwelcome, inconvenient, unfavorable and untimely . The way the puzzle solves itself without my consent is so ironical, it kind of makes its way into the funny side. You see, one is not ready to face solutions and often misreads them as problems so one can feel useful before life. For the first time ever, I faced a solution before facing a problem. I faced my destiny before my future. I faced my life before living. I faced the end before the beginning. How is it possible? I have no idea how it happened, it just did. Confusion now has me questioning this life and my purpose; love has me questioning my future.

How do you make a choice with tangled emotions and a shaken heart? I've been waiting and wishing so bad an answer would fall down from the sky, nothing. I kind of stopped hoping and started accepting the fact that 'Marla' has that power over me. He can manage to change things so precisely, that saying no is almost impossible. His plan is so perfect and tempting, offering what I could only dream of. Saying no is defying fate and denying love. Yes, Marla chooses timing as perfectly as the sun chooses to rise or set, always the best timing for him but not necessarily for me. I've been making up empty answers to an already answered question only to find I don't need answers, I just need to let go and take chances, after all, that's what we're here for... right?

Marla. Will they ever find a cure for a tumor like Marla? Do I really want to cure that tumor? Maybe it's just my pms messing with me once again, but I can't help thinking that I finally found its true meaning. "pms" has always meant the same thing all along, for I am and always will be "Part (of) Marla Singer".

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