confessions of a dangerous heart

"Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies." -OG-

I confess I'm a perilous heart. I haven't always been like this; the past experiences and betrayal have gotten me here. I've repeatedly been sent to rehab, but it doesn't matter how hard you try or what you use, a broken heart will never be as good as new. It's bound to change, evolve, scar and harden. A damaged heart forgives but never forgets. I have been owned by some, given away to others, stolen by a few and decieved by most. I didn't ask for it, I wasn't even taken into consideration. Now, I must confess that I have learned many ways to defend and protect myself, even when that means hurting other amateur hearts. I'm the most experienced architect when it comes to building wall around me for protection; I'm just not the best bricklayer and I tend to leave many weak parts that are brought down with the slightest touch of a meaningless kiss, smile or kind expression; the remains leave me exposed, defenseless and unguarded. After watching so many fragile walls come down so easily, I have learned to swallow my pain and pick up what still works and throw out what doesn't. This is a move I haven't perfected; I usually keep things that are best disposed such as empty memories and futile pieces of almost forgotten hearts. My past is responsible for all the pain I have caused and all the unfinished business I tossed away in search of something better. It's hard for me to let go of the past; ironically, the past has no problem letting go of me and when I look back it's almost as if I was edited from this unseen motion picture.

I have been accused of many different crimes and for most of them I will plead guilty. However, none of them were intentional and I might even ask for an appeal. I have many breaking and entering accusations, which I apologize for but not regret. On my defense, those hearts were not locked or guarded and they had it coming; they should have known better. I'm guilty of most injury accusations. I have broken, bruised, fractured, wounded and stabbed many hearts; it was not vengeance or will, it was never premeditated it was just the way things worked out. I confess to the betrayal accusation, in which I owned more than one heart at once. I had not confessed to this crime, maybe because I just thought they would never find out. I plead innocent for most lacerny accusations. I didn't steal the whole thing, it was just a piece which I still keep somewhere; I promise I will give it back as soon as I find it.

The past has built my present and my indifference, hardness and scrupulousness is only the byproduct. I have learned to amend corrupted emotions to help me out in this inevitable trial. I have managed to turn pride into empathy, vengeance into forgiveness, apathy into excitement, greed into devotion and deceit into truth. Love has never been corrupted before and it's the one thing that keeps me going. It's what helps me heal and what gives me strength to start over. It's the only immortal star that guides me through darkness. It's my very own defibrillator that brings me back every time; it keeps me beating and it will keep on doing it as long as I have you to beat for.

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