the story of my life

"And then one day the door slammed,

and the dream was over." -L(NJ)-

..

I guess it's just how my life is meant to be, how it's meant to work out, after all it always ends up like this. It's funny how inevitable it is for me not to fall in love so deeply with any meaningless and insignificant kiss or smile. Everytime it happens I promise myself it won't happen again, but my idea of living the moment interferes with my useless attempts to protect my weak heart. So now I ask myself, is it really worth living the moment and letting go? Is it worth forgetting about your head and rationality and just follow your heart? Is it really worth living a life with a permanent broken heart over a life drenched in "what if's"?

I guess I'm just sentimental and I've been looking for the wrong person in the wrong place at the wrong time. I guess I threw away something real for nothing, hoping it would turn into everything. The truth is that I had been in a long and difficult relationship and when I decided to let go of the person I really loved and loved me back, it made me feel free and gave me the empty hope which made me open up and give myself entirely to someone who couldn't be less worthy. I just wanted to live our moment, I just wanted to live ourselves, I just wanted to let go, I just wanted to get swept off my feet, I just wanted to fall in love again. I guess some people aren't meant for love and love is not meant for some people; I guess my heart no longer knows how to beat if it isn't broken.