the beginning of the end

you know that moment when everything becomes blurry and it all works in slow motion? when you feel in standby mode and you wish so bad someone would push the on button but there's no one around to do it? when your heart feels sick, nauseous, like it's about to throw up? when you are with someone but you have never felt lonelier? when you feel your heart is no longer obeying, when it feels it has been held hostage? it's right there when all your fears come together to welcome you to the beginning of the end.

and you feel it. it's back again and you know it. that feeling you had locked up away because you were so scared it came back to hunt your heart and leave it barely beating. it's back, the one you know so damn well. the one you blame everything on. it's here again, you finally open your eyes. it's lighting a fire and realizing there is nothing left to keep it burning, but ashes. it's wondering if you really got more from giving when you see you're left empty handed. it's being the best you'll ever be, in vain. it's being part of the most terrifying battlefield just by talking. it's talking with your heart and being listened by the deaf. it's realizing that the versions of the truth were in fact lies. it's being so full of emptiness. it's wishing upon a dead star. it's falling off the edge and having no one to catch you. it's giving time and waiting forever. it's trying to escape fate. it's believing in an illusion. it's holding hands with deception. it's having the right key to the wrong lock. it's expecting the best and getting the worst. it's not noticing you were reaching the end because you were so caught up thinking of the beginning. it's being, having, giving and suddenly losing everything to lies and deceit. it's here. welcome to the beginning of the end.