letter to god

dear god,

i have been losing sleep over many unanswered questions that i think you might have answers to. it's hard to walk around always wondering if i'm doing the right thing. i have always been taught that love is the answer to everything. however, at this very moment in my life, i am deeply confused. is it really love? i have been loving so many people, so purely, giving so much, suffering to the bone and i seem to always end up where i started. i have tried to build a road out of devotion and trust, but i always find myself lost in a never ending maze, always facing dead ends. tell me, is devotion, trust and love not enough? am i supposed to surrender to the unfairness i am up against? why is it that when i am finally taking a breath of relief and satisfaction, when i finally feel life's warm embrace, you wash it all away with a heavy storm of grief? where am i going? or should the question be, where are you taking me? will there be a moment in time when everything falls into place and i can finally live without fear and disappointment? will i ever taste the sweet drops of ecstatic peace and happiness? my only sin has been turning my back on faith and hope, for i have been betrayed by them along the way. my past and present are stained with bitterness, sadness and despair. i seek a clear future. i crave a new beginning. i covet a life. here i am, on my knees, with an open soul ready to be filled with truth and clarity. here i am, not quite ready to forgive you for what you have taken from me, but ready to know why it happened. here i am, waiting to be rescued, redeemed. here i am, trying to understand, never letting my heart harden upon life's cruelty. here i am, waiting for some answers... where are you?

a confused and suffering soul.

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