if only

so here we are again thinking about how things might have been if everything had gone the way we wanted. we keep wondering and asking our evasive hearts: what was the turning point? what made us take separate ways? what made us walk away? when did we lit the match that burned the bridge? what did it this time? if only this was a movie where we could rewind, edit and replay those critical moments. if only we had a time machine to go back to the beginning, knowing what we know now. if only we had known better.

when you reach that point where you don't look back, not because you don't want to, but because you don't need to, you begin to spot those moments in your healed mind and heart. like everything in life, it's too late to even bother. if only time had been on our side. if only those silences hadn't been filled with things that had already been said. if only we had looked into each other, rather than at each other.

the tears, the pain and the suffering made us stronger; the memories, the lost moments and the broken promises keep making us weaker. it is not what you lost, but what you kept inside. when you think about it, maybe it was nobody's fault; maybe fate took a shortcut. if only we had followed our hearts. if only we'd had more space inside. if only we had learned to build, rather than bring down. if only we had beat fate. if only we had known how to repair broken promises. if only what is supposed to make us stronger didn't make us weaker.

it's a lie to say that it will go away. these things stay with us forever. the heart is an abyss of pain; the heart is our life keeper; the heart is a never ending sea of rusty emotions that we use over and over again with different partners. if only we could reach inside and take our life back. if only emotions could be controlled, tamed. if only we could find the abyss of bliss.
dwellling on the past is not the best way to build your future, even when most of our life is in the past. if only the past was my present. if only we had tried harder. if only things had worked. if only... if only love was enough...