under construction

I just can't get enough of how cloudy days make my life work... I've been walking a bumpy, tricky and slippery road these last few days. It seems as though I'm being tested, but I just can't figure out whether my ability to move on or my ability to make things work is the one put on trial. I've been thinking about coincidence and accidents, and I end up accepting the idea that fate might be a possible explanation for the events I've been witnessing.

Things change, people change, feelings change, hearts change; but memories and wounds stay untouched, and I believe they should be held responsible for hard feelings and pride that we drag along the way. When you are carrying a burden of pride and an exposed and burning wound, you find yourself as vulnerable as you can be upon open arms, willing to help you heal. It's right there where you question your feelings. It's right there when you realize feelings are not meant to give answers; they remain silent; they don't lie; they are locked up, denied; they are misread. I can't get answers to my questions, and ironically, my answers now become questions. I don't have the strength to overlook the confusion and pain.

I won't be able to turn the page as easily, for this time, I am reading between the lines. I am unable to understand my baffled mind. I am thwarted as I look deep into my desires' eyes. My heart is no longer a host to hope. My soul is tired of being abused. What am I supposed to hold on to, when everything I hold is covered in devious thorns? Who do I turn to, if everywhere I look I find emptiness? What do I look for, if everything I believed in is gone? How do I fix myself if I'm missing so many broken pieces? Where do I go if I have gone astray in a blinding loveless midst? I've been trying to find my way and now I realize that it'll take time to fix my compass; it'll take time to fix myself. Time. Everything is a matter of time. Eventually, I am certain that all of this will make sense deep inside, after all, we are all yearning for things that work, not things that need to be fixed. Everyone needs to be fixed once in a while; I just haven't found the right tools to fix myself, and I guess broken tools won't work this time...

No hay comentarios: